My husband is missing. My children are missing. My best friend is missing. I have missing family members. No, there wasn’t a kidnapping, or even a terrible weather event. I just never had them in the first place, or only briefly.
For as long as I can remember, which is about sixth grade, I’ve wanted a husband. As elementary school came to a close, everybody paired up, except me…and Donny, the 300-pound sixth grader. As the others ran off into the woods, I stayed for a bit and swung with him, but then headed home. I’ve been pretty quick to break off any relationship I knew wasn’t God’s Will, even before I became a Christian. I’ve only gone on one blind date, and dated only once more during the past twenty years. I often reminded God of the Scripture, “Rejoice in the wife of your youth,” (Proverbs 5:18), which no longer applies. Of course, age is relative.
When I became a Christian, I had a male friend pray for me that God would reveal His plan for marriage for my life. That night at a church service, I received a word that He has a husband for me. It’s been confirmed four or five times since then, usually by strangers praying over me, who knew nothing of my current singleness or my desire for a husband. So I wait on His promise.
I’ve never heard my clock ticking or really even wanted children, but since I became a Christian, I’ve become open to it, trusting that God would work it out. Having a husband and children would make me normal, right? I had the idea that somewhere between twelve and fifteen children would be good. It is my opinion that we Americans, especially Christians, have too few children. Isaiah said that God opens and closes the womb, but we don’t live like we believe that; we take control. We don’t even have a birthrate to sustain our current population, (not considering our current open borders).Women usually tell me that I wouldn’t think that way if I were married and already had one or two kids. It leaves me thinking that so few women actually like being a mother.
Twenty years later, as I wait for my appointment for a medically necessary hysterectomy, the finality is almost overwhelming. I can hear the door slamming shut and bolted on natural birth, as well as my attempts at normalcy. My uterus is about as welcoming to an embryo as that asteroid in the movie Armageddon was to the shuttles. So, with Isaiah’s words clanking around in my head, I’ve chosen to heed the doctor’s recommendations. I do believe that wanting a husband and children are noble, godly, and scriptural desires.
So I wait with a heart open to foster or adoption, if God wills it, (read: for the child’s needs, not mine—believe me).
As an Army brat, I moved every couple of years throughout the school ages, sometimes arriving after the school year has already started. Hard to make friends? Sure. Harder with red hair—kids are so mean. I’ve had friends and close friends, but never a best friend. They usually already had a bestie by the time I came along, though some were gracious enough to make room for me. Even as an adult, I’ve found this has not changed, but now it’s their husband and children that usually demand their time.
God’s Word says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life” (Proverbs 13:12). I remind God of this from time to time, when I feel myself withering on the vine. Are you waiting on God for something? Trust in His timing, whether it’s a red light, a promotion, or your big stuff. Sometimes He waits to give until we can handle it, while he grows us. Sometimes He waits so He can give us the really good stuff.
Timing is everything, so I wait.
Are you waiting? Are you trusting God for it?